you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
