Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
