After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
