Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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