tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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