Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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