I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Alive.
So much puke
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
