Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
never play flip cup with pint glasses
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Welp...herpes.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
