chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.