I just threw up on my dentist
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
