At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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