we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
