It's Friday. Sex?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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