I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
They left me at home... I'm a liability
So apparently I’m into choking now
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