Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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