5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
