I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
