she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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