I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize