"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
