walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
