Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
