A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
