It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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