I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
