Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
