Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
vagina is talking i cant
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
