two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
