Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
