Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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