Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
