i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
