SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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