hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
