There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
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I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
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Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize