Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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