I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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