when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
