thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
