sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize