Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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