You know, be my cock's hype man.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
