if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
