im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
