I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
