i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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