the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Randomize
