Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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