how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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