Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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