I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I need a beard to bite.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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