Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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