Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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