Sponge bath it is.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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