What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
