He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You peed on a flamingo?!?