I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
