My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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