she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
