Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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