yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My underwear smells like fireworks.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
