I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
