Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
