so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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