I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
