I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
