Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize