last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
