Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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