drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Your penis caused this!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
