i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
