im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Fuck appropriateness.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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