Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
