buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
