just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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