If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
